# Unlearn by Humble the Poet - Blinkist

What’s in it for me? The truth will set you free

We often say that children are like sponges – absorbing everything they encounter and easy to impress upon. But few mention what happens to that sponginess as we grow older.

At some point between child and adult, we start to organize ourselves around the most compelling beliefs and assumptions we’ve soaked up. Although originally fluid, these select scripts slowly solidify.

Unfortunately, many of us end up assimilating beliefs and assumptions that just aren’t true. If we’ve received enough evidence for them – whether from family, friends, education, or wider society – we’ll simply assume they’re accurate. Over time, these faulty frameworks can hold us back from ever feeling fulfilled or realizing our true potential.

Before Kanwer Singh became Humble the Poet, he worked at an elementary school as a teacher. While he’s now traded his audience of restless six-year-olds for a loyal international fanbase, he’s remained committed to a life of learning. But what he’s come to discover is that being a lifelong learner sometimes requires unlearning first. Unlearning some of the incorrect beliefs and assumptions we’ve become attached to, all in an effort to make space for the true nature of things.

In this Blink, we’ll explore the truths Humble the Poet has learned about happiness, love, success, and truth itself. As you’ll discover, truth can be a harsh teacher in the school of life. But by studying Humble the Poet’s notes, we can gain a head start on some of life’s most important lessons.

Truths about happiness

For a species obsessed with obtaining happiness, we seem to make it awfully complicated.

For starters, it’s common to subscribe to the idea that happiness is some elusive state, only made possible when a vast constellation of circumstances comes into alignment. Let’s be clear, unhappiness is simply our response to seeing that the vision in front of us doesn’t match the vision in our heads. That’s all there is to it. Unhappiness is just the gap between our expectations and our reality.

So happiness isn’t some rare external phenomenon. It’s infinitely more straightforward than that. Happiness is our response to being in the moment – present with what is.

Now, you may think, That’s all well and good when life is smooth sailing, but what about when life gets hard?

The truth is, we have very little control over what happens to us. That’s why it’s so important to take control of how we interpret these circumstances. If we buy into the belief that happiness is a life free from obstacles, we’ll never be happy – even when life is smooth sailing.

Life is more accurately thought of as a string of obstacles, one after the other. Some obstacles are objectively formidable – war breaking out in your homeland, for instance – while others are just annoying – coffee spilling on your laptop, for example. If we postpone our happiness until the day when obstacles become obsolete, we’ll be six feet under before we know it.

Tied to this is the prevalent assumption that we must get more to be happy. This is true to an extent, but after our basic needs are met – think food, water, and shelter – it becomes a harmful stance to take.

The pursuit of more is a game you’ll never win. There’ll always be another zero to add to your income, another exclusive experience to have, or another gadget to add to your collection.

In reality, happiness has nothing to do with getting more – again, assuming the essentials for survival – and everything to do with needing less. Actively acknowledge everything you already have, everything you already get to experience, and you’ll find happiness will bubble up to the surface like a deep spring. You’ll come into the present moment. The gap between your expectations and reality will narrow.

Life isn’t a fairytale, but you can rewrite some of those unhelpful internal narratives. While this means shedding the idea of one day arriving at a utopia where you have it all, in the end, it will actually inch you closer to the very thing you’re looking for: happiness itself.

Truths about love

A close second on the list of things we tend to make unnecessarily complicated is our relationships – especially our romantic ones.

In a similar way to happiness, society has painted romantic relationships with a palette of Disney pastels, all knights in shining armor and happily ever afters. While these images make for compelling kids’ films, they do little to help you in the real world. In truth, pursuing or passively waiting for “the one” does more to shoot yourself in the foot than see you swept off your feet. 

So what’s the alternative? Loving yourself first.

Now, this may sound wildly selfish or too corny to entertain, but the relationship you have with yourself is undeniably your most important. Who else do you spend every waking and sleeping moment with? And do you really have any business expecting love from others if you can’t love yourself?

True loving relationships arise when two individuals come together whole and ready, not void and lonely. These dynamics are free from conditions and dependency – two factors that inevitably lead to unnecessary challenges and stickiness. A mutual you-do-you relationship allows both parties to grow and thrive, the whole ultimately becoming more than the sum of its parts.

So, instead of approaching your partner or the dating game with a list of traits and characteristics you demand receiving, how about coming to the table with a list of things you’re ready and excited to give? Wouldn’t that improve the experience for both of you? Wouldn’t that lead to the very thing you’re both after: love, appreciation, and respect?

If you need further convincing, consider that filling your own metaphorical cup also makes you seem more attractive to others. Confidence is one of the most alluring qualities you can possess, so if self-love’s long-term benefits don’t grab you in the here and now, do it for the short-term gains. You’ll likely wind up reaping both.

You’ve been told a beautiful lie, but love has to start with you. Beware putting the key to your wholeness in someone else’s pocket – no matter how dazzling their armor.

Truths about success

As Humble the Poet started gaining traction, he noted something we often hear yet don’t believe: happiness doesn’t directly correlate with success. While his reputation and fanbase swelled, his sense of contentment and ease didn’t.

The importance of attaining success is a belief so pervasive that it’s hard to appreciate the influence it has on us. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be outstanding, but you’ll save yourself immense disillusionment and frustration if you take on the pursuit with your eyes wide open.

First, success is a whole lot less sexy than society would have you believe. Simply having a compelling dream isn’t enough; you have to roll up your sleeves and get your hands dirty every single day. Initially, this will mean taking action in and around your current demands and commitments – even when you’re bone-tired and hustling for an hour or two is the least appealing thing you could imagine. As renowned motivational speaker Les Brown so eloquently put it, “You don’t have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great.”

Further, while you’ve no doubt heard some form of “you don’t grow in your comfort zone,” it’s imperative to acknowledge the inversion too: you don’t get comfort in your growth zone. The belief that life is all smooth sailing for those who’ve “made it” simply isn’t true. Those with longevity aren’t immune to feelings of anxiety, doubt, and fear. In fact, they’ll likely experience these uncomfortable emotions more than most because they’re constantly operating at their limit. All this to say, don’t run yourself ragged taking off after glory if you’re expecting it to be a cushy landing.

One final word: society has done a solid job of tightly tying money to success. So much so, wealth has become a go-to measuring stick. But remember, money is simply a tool. It should serve you; you shouldn’t serve it. Once you have enough to cover your basic needs, don’t necessarily jump to “more is more.” Often – to quote the Notorious B.I.G. – “mo’ money, mo’ problems.”

Truths about truth

So far, we’ve looked at some of the truths Humble the Poet has uncovered about happiness, love, and success. The last collection of truths we’ll explore is about truth itself. Don’t worry, this won’t be quite as meta as it sounds.

Objectively, we’d probably all agree that truth is a desirable possession. Yet, in our daily lives, we often act just the opposite, fighting to continue floating away with bubbles of fantasy rather than have them popped by the piercing pin of truth.

For instance, the fact that we’re all going to die is one that Western culture likes to sweep well under the rug. Meditating on death and dying isn’t good for business and so isn’t encouraged, but this comes at a profound detriment. In actual fact, respect and appreciation for life can only come from respect and appreciation for death. Life is precious because it’s fleeting. The present is to be cherished precisely because the future isn’t guaranteed.

An extension of this is society’s desire to sell the image of life being fair – that justice always prevails. In case you haven’t been – painfully – reminded lately, this isn’t so. Bad things happen to good people just as good things happen to bad people.

What’s especially tricky about confronting this reality is that it can quickly lead to questioning the value of being an upright citizen. What’s the point if both the honorable and dishonorable are subject to misfortune?

If, like Humble the Poet, you’ve pursued this investigation to its conclusion, here’s where you arrive: being a good person should be done for its own sake, not because life will hand you a get-out-of-jail-free card in return. Of course, being honorable has its own intrinsic rewards, but you’ll be left wanting if you go in believing you’re promised anything extrinsic.

Disheartening? Perhaps. But hopefully, you’re also starting to awaken to the tremendous, if not somewhat paradoxical, empowerment that comes with such clear-eyed sight.

Don’t discount yourself; you can handle the truth. And the truth, as they say, will set you free.

Final summary

Committing to a life in which you feel empowered and free demands challenging your beliefs and the commonly held assumptions of society. By interrogating these influential – and sometimes sticky – narratives, you uncover the essential nature of happiness, love, success, and truth itself.

Seeing things clearly means seeing both the flowers and the weeds. But only with true sight can you attain true fulfillment.