# The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary D. Chapman & Paul E. White - Blinkist

What’s in it for me? Crack the code of workplace communication.

Feeling unappreciated or undervalued at work? It's time to speak up and be heard. Struggling to inspire your employees? It’s time to motivate them. But how? Well, everyone works better when they feel appreciated. But everyone conveys and accepts appreciation in different ways.

By identifying your, or your employees’ unique “appreciation language” then strategically applying the five languages of quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, tangible gifts, and physical touch, organizations can transform from dreary workplaces plagued by disengaged teams to inspiring environments where top talent actively chooses to remain.

Don't wait silently hoping someone will address why you feel devalued or taken for granted any longer. Don’t let your team lose enthusiasm, simply because you haven’t valued their work in a way that resonates. In this Blink, you’ll learn the life-changing impact that sincere appreciation – properly conveyed – can create.

What is a language of appreciation?

Before we get to know the five languages of appreciation at the workplace, let’s deal with the most pressing question: what’s a language of appreciation, anyway?

Imagine this: you’re at an important business meeting, with your English-speaking colleagues and your clients, who only speak Finnish. You’re trying to close a major deal. You and your clients both want the same things. You both share the same values and long-term goals. But there’s a problem. You don’t have an interpreter. This meeting is pointless – you can talk and talk, but you’re never going to get anywhere.

Studies across multiple workplaces have shown that the number one thing that happy employees like about their jobs is the feeling that their work is seen and valued. Unhappy employees, on the other hand, are likely to cite feeling undervalued as their top reason for wanting to leave their current job, no matter the perks or salary.

We spend, on average, one-third of our lives at work. We want to feel our work has meaning. When colleagues and managers show their appreciation for our work, they create that meaning. But here’s the part where you might feel like you’re talking in English and everyone around you is speaking Finnish: everyone expresses their appreciation differently. These expressions can be categorized into five different groups: words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, tangible gifts, and physical touch.

Once you’re fluent in each of these five languages, you’ll be able to show your colleagues your appreciation for them and recognize when they’re showing appreciation to you.

Language one: Words of affirmation

Among the din of ringing phones, keyboard clicks, and meeting pings, words often get lost in today’s busy workplaces. Yet certain phrases can cut through the noise in impactful ways. “Excellent work on the Johnson account,” a boss remarks, and “Beautiful slides. Nice work!” a colleague chimes in. These spoken words of affirmation stand out amid task lists and deadlines to create a real sense of uplift in an employee's day. Sincere compliments can deeply encourage employees who speak this predominant appreciative language.

These words of affirmation directly feed an employee's need for validation and approval. Hearing “That project was first-rate” makes them beam with pride that their talents have been recognized. But vague praise only gets you so far. The compliments should target specifics rather than provide general kudos. For example, commending an accountant’s knack for complex reconciliations or an assistant’s finessed client correspondence carries more meaning than a blanket “good job” platitude. Tethering praise to particular accomplishments makes it more memorable and also spotlights behaviors to repeat. It’s also effective to praise the characteristics you prize in others. Admire an employee’s meticulous nature? Dedication? Kindness? Tell them so.

There’s a place for one-on-one praise and a place for public recognition. Private affirmations nurture individuals, while public pronouncements cultivate culture. For instance, an executive might share applause in an email: “Let’s thank Nathan for the smooth rollout of our spring catalog launch.” Such announcements not only honor employees’ efforts but indirectly nudge their peers to follow suit.

In the end, spoken encouragement, dispensed sincerely and regularly, activates exceptional performance. Sincere words of validation facilitate strong relationships, authentic connection, team loyalty, and enhanced results. Amid all the workplace noise – the meetings, the overflowing inboxes, the deadlines – a well-timed “Thank you for everything you do” speaks volumes.

Language two: Quality time

In the always-on modern workplace, everyone is busy all the time. Phones, chat notifications, and unread emails vie for attention – constantly. In short: today’s professional is seriously distracted, and focused attention is a prized resource. Which is exactly why spending quality, focused time with colleagues can be such a powerful tool for expressing appreciation. For employees who speak the appreciation language of quality time, one-on-one chats with managers don't just demonstrate cordiality, they convey care. By offering their full presence, supervisors communicate that workers are valued beyond their output.

Giving an employee your complete attention feeds their sense of worth. Setting aside agenda items to ask how someone’s family is faring or chatting about weekend plans signals that you see them as more than just hired help. Gifting your undivided attention to help tackle a challenging project or deal with a tricky workplace dilemma demonstrates that you take their career just as seriously as they do. Employees who crave quality time will view meetings on a manager's calendar as proof they matter.

These conversations don't need to be weighed down with formality. Grabbing lunch together or having walking check-ins allows organic relationship building. But superficial small talk won't suffice. Employees want to be known as individuals with unique aspirations, strengths, and challenges. Asking thoughtful questions and listening intently to their responses demonstrates genuine interest in an employee’s development.

Sometimes, difficult conversations require even more quality time. Giving constructive criticism or handling conflict poorly can rupture relationships. Explaining needed changes patiently while allowing employee feedback confirms respect. Workers feel empowered when they can shape the decisions that affect their careers, especially when their supervisors invest ample discussion time in the process.

In the end, quality time recognizing employees’ humanity forges bonds built to weather organizational storms. By offering one-on-one presence, managers give the gift of understanding. Their undivided attention says louder than words, “You are valued here.”

Language three: Acts of service

For many employers, their manager is the person who sets their deadlines and delivers their performance reviews. For a lucky few, their manager is so much more: they’re a mentor. Someone who works through problems alongside their employees, who wants to help their reports navigate their way to long-term professional success. All employees respond positively to this type of mentorship. But for employees who speak the acts of service appreciation language, these displays of mentorship and offers of assistance are what make work truly worthwhile. When a manager steps in with helpful hands, rather than dictating orders, they show that the tasks they set aren’t just conditions of employment – they’re opportunities to cultivate potential.

An employee struggling with an overwhelming assignment or tight deadline craves aid, not accountability. Rather than interrogating them about missed goals, a supportive manager may ask, “How can I help?” Taking on tedious components of the project or making introductions for useful collaborations demonstrates goodwill where it’s needed most. It conveys “We’re partners in this, not adversaries.” Employees who feel bolstered to develop skills and tackle greater challenges will reward organizations with amplified dedication and heightened expertise.

The inverse speaks volumes too. Nobody wants to feel stranded or set up to fail when they encounter obstacles in their work. Whether it’s through helping prepare an employee for an intimidating presentation or providing coaching to smooth a career transition, when managers give hands-on guidance they reveal they’re invested far beyond the immediate assignment. Supportive managers demonstrate their appreciation by spotlighting each employee's longer growth trajectory and reassuring them that no learning curve must be scaled alone.

While individually assisting employees breeds loyalty, inspiring widespread service also forges community. Encouraging teams to work together nurtures cooperation and care. Guiding departments to brainstorm cross-collaborations on large projects spurs innovation too. Most importantly, enacting the ethos that supporting one another isn’t optional but expected elevates everyone higher. 

In the end, when managers focus less on meting out instructions and more on meeting real needs, employees not only complete tasks but reveal their full potential. Actively assisting inside and outside job duties demonstrates to workers they don’t labor alone. It’s the difference between feeling used versus feeling valued. And that makes all the difference.

Language four: Tangible gifts

Everyone likes receiving a physical reward for a job well done. Most organizations recognize their employees through big perks and rewards: lavish office Christmas parties and end-of-year bonuses come to mind. But, in truth, it’s the small, unexpected gifts that will really cultivate an atmosphere of appreciation and respect in your office.

Small surprises can really multiply morale. For employees who speak the tangible gifts appreciation language, physical emblems of gratitude make outsized impacts regardless of their price tag. By distributing treats as symbols of success, managers reinforce accomplishments and fuel exceptional efforts for the future – in other words, small outlays can pay big dividends.

When the employee who always burns the midnight oil wraps a massive project, a gift card to a local café doubles as a medal of honor. It physically commemorates their work. When a supervisor notices a colleague juggling parenting along with job responsibilities, bringing cookies, or sending an e-gift of a streaming service subscription lightens their load. The gesture says “I see your commitment here.” Even something as simple as handwritten notes of gratitude make employees feel recognized and valued for their contributions.

Gifting creatively and personally packs more punch than distributing a generic offering company-wide. Customizing rewards based on someone’s hobby or passion telegraphs to them that they are known and appreciated as individuals. Ordering specialty teas for the colleague who methodically refills the office kettle or concert tickets for the accounts manager who plays guitar displays your genuine interest in who your employees are. And it fulfills employees' wishes to be more than just names on organizational charts or figures on balance sheets.

Every day is filled with opportunities to speak the appreciation language of gifts with your colleagues. An end-of-week thumbs-up emoji by email, funny meme, or bouquet of office-grown succulents shows esteem on repeat. A steady supply of thoughtful gratitude will strengthen team morale in manifold ways.

Language five: Physical touch

The fifth language of appreciation, the language of physical touch, needs to be deployed carefully in a professional setting – but for workers who speak this appreciation language, physical gestures of appreciation are highly meaningful.

In most workplaces, professionals walk a fine line between cordial and awkward when it comes to collegial contact. But for some employees a well-timed pat on the back or appreciative handshake literally lets them know “we've got your back” when pressure looms large. Employees with physical touch as their appreciation language don't merely enjoy occasional affirming gestures, they may crave them during challenging times.

Consider an employee up against an imminent deadline with a major client deliverable going live to the public. Nerves are already taut when inevitable last-minute system glitches arise. Rather than barrage them with passive-aggressive questions, a reassuring clasp of the shoulder combined with an offer like “Tell me how I can help” works wonders. The mood shifts from resentment to relief. They feel seen and supported. And employees who feel physically backed amid high-stakes scenarios often pass that confidence onto customers.

Of course, not all workers walk this line comfortably. Cultural norms or personal histories factor into touch tolerances. But even those averse to contact generally appreciate the thumbs-up email emoticon or celebratory GIF when assignments conclude successfully. Digital gestures can demonstrate similar solidarity without causing discomfort.

Physical touch doesn't just uplift individuals either. When team members exchange appreciative high-fives before launching big products, or executives literally applaud rank-and-file wins at all-hands meetings, unity emerges.

Ultimately, appropriate physical contact cements collegial bonds through nonverbal encouragement. In highly demanding work environments focused solely on excellence, small gestures of kindness serve as heartening reminders that real people and relationships still matter behind every professional achievement.

Final summary

Recognition and appreciation drive employee satisfaction and success. To cultivate an atmosphere of recognition, learn to understand which of the five languages of appreciation your colleagues speak, whether it’s “Words of affirmation”, “Quality time”, “Acts of service”, “Tangible gifts” or “Physical touch.”