# Spare by Prince Harry - Blinkist

What’s in it for me? The Spare’s side of the story.

You’ve probably heard the stories already.

The death of Diana … the royal scandals and controversies … Meghan Markle … These stories are everywhere.

Unavoidable.

Every day, there’s something in the news about Prince Harry, or someone in his family.

Even if you’re not that interested in the royals, you can’t help but catch at least bits of their lives.

So maybe you feel like you know Harry, and you already have an opinion of him.

Perhaps you feel sorry for the man who lost his mother at a young age, in such tragic and public circumstances.

Or you judge the man who once thought it was acceptable to dress up as a Nazi.

You think Harry was right to cut ties with the royal family.

Or you think he betrayed them.

Whatever your opinion, and whatever you think you know, this Blink may change your mind.

Reading about Harry in the papers is one thing.

Hearing his side of the story is quite another.

Of course, we won’t be able to explore the complex dynamics of all the royal relationships, or delve into the details of every scandal.

There’s a lot to unpack.

In an interview, Harry revealed that his 400-page memoir was originally twice as long, and that it was hard knowing what to leave out.

So, in this short Blink, we’ll focus on just a few important relationships and key moments from Harry’s life.

You’ll get a glimpse of what it’s like to be a royal.

And you’ll discover why Harry ended up essentially resigning from the family, and leaving the country.

First though, maybe you’re wondering about that title.

Why “Spare?

” Well, that in itself is quite revealing.

As a royal, but also “the Spare,” Harry has had a uniquely abnormal life.

On the day of Harry’s birth, Prince Charles allegedly said to Diana, “Wonderful!

Now there’s an Heir and a Spare.

”  William was the firstborn – the heir to the throne – while Harry, the second son, was “the Spare.

” Presumably, Charles’s comment was a joke.

But Harry’s parents and grandparents often talked about him in this way, making it clear that he was the back-up.

From an early age, Harry knew exactly what his role was.

He was aware that his father and brother, who were first and second in line to the throne, could never take the same flight, in case the plane crashed.

But there were no such rules for Harry.

The Spare could be, well, spared.

Harry says that he took no offense at this.

He accepted his role in the family.

But now, as an adult, reflecting on his family and his identity, he realizes just how abnormal his life has been.

For instance, take his relationship with his father.

Charles is not just Harry’s father, but also his boss and his banker.

Or at least, he was, until Harry’s exit from royal life – we’ll get to that later.

The point is, it’s not a typical father-son relationship.

It’s true that when Harry was growing up, there were some normal, loving moments between them.

Harry has fond memories of his father comforting him when he was a child.

He used to be afraid of the dark, and at bedtime, Charles would sit beside him, gently tickling his face until he fell asleep.

And he always called Harry his “darling boy.

”  But for the most part, Harry recalls his father being a distant parent, who found communicating difficult.

Charles preferred to tell his son how proud he was through letters, left on Harry’s pillow, rather than face-to-face.

And Charles wasn’t much of a hugger.

In that, he seems to have taken after his mother, Queen Elizabeth.

Apparently, she once swerved to avoid a hug from Diana – quite the awkward moment for them both!

But a lack of physical affection was far from Harry’s only issue growing up.

Because of his royal status, every attempt to lead a normal life was thwarted in some way.

At school, he had armed bodyguards down the hall.

When he was a teenager, they were waiting for him outside the pub, too.

It’s hard to live anything resembling a normal existence when you have to be escorted by bodyguards everywhere you go.

Public transport is out of the question, though Harry did take the Tube once, on a school trip.

As an adult, Harry managed to enjoy occasional moments of freedom.

For example, he would go to the supermarket on his own.

But each outing was planned like a military operation.

He would go in disguise – a loose coat and a low baseball cap – and at different times of day, to throw off the press.

He even memorized the layout of the store, so he could get in and out as quickly as possible.

Lack of freedom and privacy have been recurring issues in Harry’s life – a cause of stress and frustration.

But of course, nothing has impacted him quite like the events of that night in August 1997.

It took Harry many years to come to terms with Diana’s death.

Harry was 12 years old.

In the middle of the night, he was woken up by his father coming into his room.

“Darling boy,” said Charles, “Mummy was in a car crash.

” Harry doesn’t remember exactly what was said next, but he recalls one phrase with total clarity – “She didn’t make it.

” There was no hug.

But his father patted him on the knee, and told him it was going to be okay.

Harry didn’t cry that night.

And it felt strange when, on the day of the funeral, he was forced to shake hands with countless sobbing strangers – people who had never met his mother.

He felt guilty that they were crying, and he wasn’t.

But when he did eventually break down in tears, as he watched the coffin descend, he felt embarrassed.

Crying went against the family ethos, after all.

Another reason for Harry’s confusion was that deep down, he didn’t believe his mother was really dead.

She was hiding, he thought, or just playing dead for some reason.

For years, he would say to himself, “Maybe this is the day she’ll reappear.

” As long as there was no definitive proof of her death, Harry was able to believe she was still alive.

But as an adult, he started to search for the truth.

He asked his private secretary to get him the secret police files on the car crash.

For the first time, Harry saw photos of the tunnel in Paris, and the smashed car.

Some of the pictures had been taken by the police, but others, Harry realized, were paparazzi photos.

Then he saw his mother.

In the photos she was surrounded by golden lights, almost like halos.

At first, he thought it was something supernatural.

And then he realized – they were flashes.

The lights were the flashes from the paparazzi’s cameras.

The photographers had followed Diana into the tunnel, shooting and shooting, even as she lay dying.

Seeing these photos didn’t give Harry a sense of closure.

It just filled him with rage, and hatred for the paparazzi who had harassed her.

And when Harry did find closure, in his early twenties, he almost wished he hadn’t.

One night, while visiting Paris for the first time, he asked his driver to take him through the tunnel where his mother’s car had crashed.

So they drove through the tunnel.

Twice.

And at last, Harry felt the truth sink in – his mother had really died.

She was gone for good.

But instead of ending the suffering, this realization led to a new phase of pain.

For years, Harry struggled with his mental health – anxiety, panic attacks, feelings of rage.

It was only when he was in his thirties that he finally started to get better.

Therapy was a turning point.

For one therapy session, Harry brought something with him – a bottle of his mother’s favorite perfume.

He opened the lid, sniffed deeply, and the memories came flooding back.

The sound of her laughter … At last, he remembered it.

He could hear it, loud and clear.

And he cried – this time, with joy.

The press have been targeting Harry since he was a teenager.

Given the circumstances of his mother’s death, you can probably understand Harry’s hostility towards the press.

For years, it’s been a mutually antagonistic relationship.

The press may have been sympathetic to the bereaved 12-year-old, but not long after that, Harry was fair game.

When he was in his teens, the tabloids published stories about him using drugs, and cheating in his school exams.

They were total lies, but the accusations stuck.

Other stories were true.

There was the time Harry was photographed wearing a Nazi uniform to a fancy dress party.

“What was he thinking?

” people wanted to know.

Well, he wasn’t thinking.

It was a stupid mistake.

Harry was mortified by his behavior, and the media attention that followed.

Eventually, his error of judgment was forgiven and forgotten – more or less.

But of course, the journalists and photographers were never going to leave Harry alone.

The hardest part was always being watched and followed, wherever he went.

He recognized some of the paparazzi by sight, because they followed him everywhere.

There was no escape.

It became so aggravating, Harry started to fantasize about punching paparazzi.

To avoid the temptation, he had to avoid seeing them altogether.

When leaving clubs and pubs, he would sometimes ask his bodyguard to stuff him in the boot of the car.

As he was driven home, he would lie there in the dark, feeling like he was in a coffin.

But it was better that way.

Still, even if Harry managed to avoid having his photo taken every now and then, the stories kept coming and coming.

Whenever Harry complained, his father would tell him to ignore the papers.

“Darling boy,” said Charles.

“Just don’t read it.

” Easier said than done, of course.

And the advice was a little ironic coming from Charles, considering his own dealings with the media.

Remember Harry’s teenage drug scandal?

The story was splashed across the papers, despite the fact that there was no truth in it.

Shockingly, Harry later discovered why the story was published.

His father’s spin doctor had made a deal with the newspaper editor.

Yes, that’s right.

Indirectly, Charles had collaborated with the press, and agreed to let them publish a negative story about his son.

Why?

Because it was good for Charles’s own reputation in the media, which wasn’t doing too well at the time.

“Charles as an unfaithful husband” – not a good angle.

“Charles as a single father struggling with his drug-abusing child” – much better.

For Charles, anyway.

And in hindsight, this incident would seem like a warning sign of things to come.

Harry’s girlfriends have also had to endure constant press harassment.

With the press watching Harry’s every movement, it was inevitable – any woman he dated would also end up being followed by the paparazzi.

And while Harry was used to the harassment, it was a shock to his girlfriends.

Once, his girlfriend Chelsy found a tracking device on her car.

She told Harry that she wasn’t sure if she could cope with a lifetime of being stalked.

Harry understood perfectly.

So they broke up.

There were similar conversations with other girlfriends.

It was so frustrating, as Harry wanted to be in a relationship, and have a family one day.

But it was too much to ask of a partner – putting up with the constant stalking and harassment.

In 2016, when Harry started dating the American actress Meghan Markle, things got even worse.

First, there were the stories in the papers.

Meghan’s family were labeled “gangsters.

” There were countless snide comments about Meghan’s background and race, and her “rich and exotic DNA,” to quote one journalist.

What would happen if a royal had a child with a woman who was mixed-race?

Harry was appalled by the racism and snobbery.

He hadn’t expected it to be this bad.

Then, of course, there was the harassment.

It was relentless.

Meghan was followed everywhere, as were her friends and family.

Journalists camped outside Meghan’s house and rang the doorbell non-stop, driving her poor dogs crazy.

One time, Meghan called Harry in tears.

She was driving home from work, on the icy roads of Ontario, and being chased by five cars.

They were all around her, tailgating, cutting her off.

Meghan was convinced she was going to crash.

And Harry, listening on the phone from London, felt helpless.

He was transported back to his childhood – memories of his mother’s car crash, and his father saying, “She didn’t make it.

”  In the end, Meghan made it home safely, though no thanks to the police.

She was a public figure, they told her.

There was nothing they could do.

And the press harassment went on and on.

A couple of years later, when Harry and Meghan were married, and Meghan was pregnant with her first child, there was a low point.

Harry came home to find Meghan sobbing on the stairs.

“I don’t want to do this any more,” she said.

“Do what?

” Harry asked.

“Live,” said Meghan.

That’s how bad it got.

She was so distressed by the constant harassment of her and her family, she had suicidal thoughts.

Harry did his best to comfort Meghan.

They would find a solution, he promised her.

But in the meantime, they had an engagement to get to – an event at the Royal Albert Hall in London.

And they couldn’t be late, because Meghan would be blamed, as always.

So they went.

When they got out of the car, they stepped into the blinding lights of the flashbulbs, and took each other’s hands.

And when they were inside the venue and the lights were dimmed for the performance, Meghan let the tears flow.

“I’ll keep you safe.

Harry was disappointed by the lack of support from his family.

”  This was Harry’s promise to Meghan, that night at the Royal Albert Hall.

But how?

What could he do to protect her?

One option was legal action.

When a newspaper published a private letter of Meghan’s, Harry realized that this was an opportunity to make a stand – he would sue.

His father and brother had both sued the press in the past.

But when Harry told them of his intentions, they tried to talk him out of it.

It wasn’t a good idea, they said.

Not the done thing.

Harry and Meghan sued anyway.

And not long after, Harry was summoned to Buckingham Palace.

His father told him that his legal action was incredibly damaging to the royal family’s reputation.

Harry defended himself.

Suing was the only option, he said.

It wouldn’t have been necessary if the family had done something to protect him and Meghan.

All those hateful articles in the press, all those insults on social media … And the royal family hadn’t said a word, either publicly or in private.

Even when Harry and Meghan begged them for help.

To add insult to injury, Harry suspected that certain members of the family were actually working with the press.

It had happened before, remember – when Charles’s staff approved the publication of the invented story about Harry’s drug use.

In 2020, Harry and Meghan decided to leave the UK, and step away from royal duties.

The news was leaked to the press before Harry and Meghan had had the chance to release an official statement.

And the news story included a particularly telling detail – that the couple had offered to give up their Sussex titles.

There was only one document that mentioned this detail – a private letter from Harry to his father.

And there were very, very few people who could have possibly had access to that letter.

So, it’s no wonder Harry and Meghan ended up leaving the country, and cutting ties to a certain extent.

The press harassment was never-ending.

And Harry couldn’t depend on his family for support or protection.

The final details of Harry and Meghan’s departure were hashed out in a meeting with the royal family, where they discussed the different options.

Harry was keen to find a compromise while retaining security.

Above all, he wanted to keep his family safe.

The other attendees at the meeting argued for an “all-or-nothing” approach.

You’re either a regular royal with all the perks and security, they said, or you give it all up.

But in the end, the royals made a deal.

Harry and Meghan would be allowed to keep their security, at least for the time being.

After the meeting, the Palace made a statement that Harry and Meghan would “step back,” no longer formally representing the Queen.

The papers were outraged, of course.

Harry and Meghan’s actions were described as “insults” and “crimes.

” But Harry had no regrets.

And two years later, living in California, he knew he had made the right decision for himself and his family – Meghan and his two children.

As for Harry’s other family members, his feelings are mixed, to say the least.

He loves them, of course, and always will.

He just wishes that in one of the darkest moments of his life, they had been there for him.

Final Summary

Reflecting on his life so far, Harry recognizes that there’s a common theme in nearly all his problems – the press, and their obsession with tormenting members of the royal family, and turning them against each other.

What a shame that it had to come to this – Harry and Meghan feeling compelled to flee the country.

But there have also been victories along the way, like Harry finally coming to terms with the loss of his mother.

And of course, he found love, and started a family of his own – something that once seemed out of reach.

Harry may be “the Spare,” but more importantly, he’s also the one who broke free, and started living life on his own terms.