What’s in it for me? Spark your confidence with these highly actionable techniques.
Life comes with no shortage of obstacles. Sometimes you’re on a roll, where everything seems to click into place and you can meet those obstacles with relative ease and grace. Other times, challenges can seem so endless and overwhelming that you feel thoroughly defeated. Even getting the groceries can feel like scaling a mountain.
So how do you get your confidence back when things seem stacked against you? Gaining confidence isn’t necessarily an easy thing to do, but there are steps you can take to get your mojo going. In the three sections that follow we’ll look at a whole host of ideas, techniques, and practices that you can deploy to move through life with more confidence. Many of these tips are focused on the workplace, but in reality they can work in nearly any situation.
First impressions and power dynamics
In today's fast-paced world, where job stress, financial worries, and health concerns are ubiquitous, it's easy to feel lacking in confidence. But what if there was a way to navigate these challenges with more assurance? What if there were steps you could start taking today that can empower you and add confidence to every aspect of your life?
You might think some people are simply born with confidence. Perhaps some are. But the majority of us need to build confidence by creating habits that change our mindset and the way we interact with others.
Let’s start with first impressions. Knowing that you’ve made a solid first impression can give you a huge confidence boost. To do this, it’s important to be yourself. Whether you're at a networking event or starting a new job, present yourself authentically. People can recognize phoniness quickly, and it’s never attractive.
Instead of aiming to impress others, focus on making first impressions that are warm and welcoming. You can do this by adopting what the author calls the "dog code." Yes, maybe we can learn something from our canine friends! When dogs introduce themselves, they walk right up without hesitation. And it works – everyone smiles when a dog with an eagerly wagging tail trots over to say hi. So don’t be afraid to step up and be the one who initiates social contact and prioritizes establishing connections. When you’re proactive in this way, it won’t just lift your own confidence, but it’ll also help you to combat biases and create inclusive environments.
Central to making good impressions and generating confidence is to embody openness and warmth. Your body language speaks volumes, so you want to make sure that your body, and the way you interact, convey a friendly enthusiasm. Simple actions like turning toward someone, standing up to greet them, and matching their pace while walking, can go a long way in making a positive impression.
Now, confidence also stems from two important practices: creating belonging and standing your ground.
Creating belonging is about being an ally to others and doing what you can to create an atmosphere of inclusivity. This is a key component to confidence because it proves to everyone in the room that you’re open and eager to collaborate. By showing up authentically and inclusively, you not only assert your presence, but make others feel valued. Remember, your presence should always make an impact, and by being an ally, you’ll be a memorable, motivating force wherever you go.
That said, it’s also important to be able to stand your ground and advocate for yourself when necessary. Nothing can deflate your confidence quicker than being treated like a doormat. Fortunately, there are strategies you can use to maintain healthy power dynamics.
When dealing with your boss, one of the best things you can do is establish regular one-on-one time. In these appointments, constructive feedback and disagreements get the privacy they deserve, and you may find it easier to be clear, direct, and confident in voicing your needs. It can be an advantage to be the one initiating the topic of feedback and asking for input on specific issues. Never underestimate the positive ways in which feedback can be used – it's a powerful tool for growth and self-improvement.
Ultimately, remember that you're already an expert in your own right. Embrace your skills and experience, and don't be afraid to own your power. By believing in yourself and prioritizing genuine connections, you can navigate challenges with confidence.
Don’t overdo it
In the journey to boosting your self-assurance at work, it's crucial to address the habits that hold you back, such as overdoing, overthinking, and overexplaining. When we overdo, or stretch ourselves too thin, we risk burnout and developing a reputation as someone who can't say no. Unfortunately, being a people-pleaser isn’t an uncommon disposition. But to build confidence, it must be curbed. If you recognize these patterns in yourself, that’s a great start. It means you can start implementing different strategies.
A lot of good can come from saying no. People-pleasers have an inherent urge to say yes and overbook themselves, and while they may feel they can handle it all, it comes at the potential cost of a debilitating burnout.
It sounds crazy at first, but when you start to get comfortable with disappointing people, it can be wonderfully liberating. Just remember: everyone can’t always get what they want. It’s a fact of life, and one that you can help others to learn.
It’s a good idea to practice keeping your responses succinct. If you’re saying no to someone, resist the urge to over-explain yourself. Over-explaining often goes hand-in-hand with over-thinking. For this, there are two effective techniques that can calm your thoughts and emotions – and get you feeling confident and in control.
First is the stop-clap method. When you sense your brain working overtime and your thoughts spiraling out of control, picture the bright and bold symbol of the red stop sign. When it comes to mind, clap your hands once as a firm gesture to interrupt those runaway thoughts and bring yourself back into the present moment.
Another great method for regaining a sense of calm is box breathing. Whenever you’re feeling anxious, or sense your heart rate quickening, this is the perfect time to box-breathe. Do it by exhaling for four seconds, and – before you breathe in – pausing there for four seconds. Next, slowly inhale for four seconds. Hold that breath for another four seconds before exhaling again for four seconds to repeat the cycle again. A tip is to picture each round of four seconds forming the four sides of a square – hence box breathing. This technique slows your heart rate and enables you to focus on the present, allowing for clearer decision-making and reduced anxiety.
One source of anxiety is high-stakes moments, such as interactions with bosses or important meetings. However, there are ways we can face these situations with confidence. One of the most effective things you can do is to remember that your boss, and everyone else at those meetings, are human beings. They have all the awkwardness and uncertainty that come with being human. Therefore, your awkward tendencies have just as much right to be heard at the meeting as anyone else’s.
While we’re all common in our foibles, we’re unique in our preferences. One way of boosting your confidence in meetings is to familiarize yourself with the preferences and quirks of your boss. This information can be invaluable in helping you prepare for meetings and making those tricky conversations go more smoothly. Notice what makes them sigh with displeasure and lean in with interest. When it comes to your own body language, you can nod to signal your engagement. Body language speaks volumes, so use it to your advantage.
When we’re put on the spot, it's natural to feel nervous. However, by pausing, organizing your thoughts, and buying yourself time when needed, you’re more able to respond with composure.
Ultimately, building confidence at work is about recognizing and addressing habits that hold us back, developing effective negotiation skills, and embracing moments of discomfort as opportunities for growth. These naturally take practice and perseverance, but you’ll find the payoff is more than worth it.
Staying focused and motivated in an imperfect world
Let’s start this final section by shifting our focus to unhealthy workplace environments, and see what we can do to better handle difficult coworkers and toxic environments. To do this, it's crucial to develop strategies that allow you to unsubscribe from stress and regain focus.
Make no mistake, sometimes there’s no escaping problematic coworkers and dubious leaders. But don’t fret – there are calming techniques close at hand. We’ve already looked at box breathing, but some other techniques include using touchstones, practicing progressive muscle relaxation, and making a habit out of stream-of-consciousness writing.
A touchstone in the sense that we’re referring to here is any object that fits snuggly in your hand and provides you with a grounding power that keeps you calm and present. It could be a smooth, round rock that you found on the beach; a tennis ball; or your favorite water bottle. Whatever it is, keep it on your desk or close to hand. When a situation is testing your nerves, take the object in your hand, close your eyes, and imagine all your negativity being absorbed by the touchstone. Then gently release it, open your eyes, and move on with refreshed confidence.
You may have heard of progressive muscle relaxation, which is another fantastically effective technique. To do it, first take a deep breath. Start at your feet, tensing your muscles there and curling your toes intensely for ten seconds. Then release, exhale, and shake out your muscles. Next, move to your legs, and do the same thing. Put any negativity you’re feeling into your muscles and then let it go as you release them. Continue up to your facial muscles, allowing your tension to melt away with each muscle group.
The same can be done with writing. Keep a notebook handy, and whatever tension, anger, frustration you’re feeling – empty it out on the page. No need to make your writing neat, or even legible, just get it out so that you can rebalance and leave the negativity behind.
There are small but crucial things you can do to avoid perpetuating a toxic workplace as well. Things like recognizing and avoiding negative behaviors such as gossiping, triangulating, and complaining. Disengaging from these is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and your own reputation. Confronting such behaviors in colleagues requires assertiveness and clear communication. It might be uncomfortable, but it’s worth doing in the long run.
Building supportive teams and friend groups also fosters a positive work environment. Being an ally to newcomers and establishing welcoming atmospheres contributes to a sense of belonging and cooperation. This will not only lift your confidence, but it’ll make others feel great, thereby improving everyone’s well-being.
Let’s not forget the importance of embracing failure. A healthy workplace is one where everyone sees failure as a learning opportunity and a key to growth. Once this is understood, you’ll be amazed at how negative emotions can disappear and confidence can flourish.
Of course, setbacks can be demoralizing from time to time, especially when a lot of effort and resources have gone into a project. But bouncing back is also part of the job. Seeking mentorship from successful people can go a long way to reassuring yourself that you’re headed in the right direction. Anyone with any measure of success will tell you that they overcame countless mistakes and roadblocks along the way. Forgive yourself, take accountability, and move forward – make that your mantra.
Before we wrap up, let’s talk about motivation. Staying motivated requires clear goals, and a smart move is to give yourself small, realistic steps that keep you moving toward those goals. We’re all capable of biting off more than we can chew, so think about how to break your goals down into smaller, manageable chunks.
It’s not only a good idea to make promises to yourself as a way of staying focused, it’s also helpful to write down those commitments and put that note somewhere visible. Maybe even consider telling a reliable friend or relative as a way of keeping yourself accountable. At the end of the day, we need to recognize that keeping promises to ourselves is as important as keeping them to others.
Finally, you know what can really boost your confidence? Being a mentor. When you feel like you’ve gathered a significant amount of experience and have learned how to move through your career with more ease and composure, you can ramp up your self-belief by passing on your knowledge. Investing in others is a reward all on its own. Think about how you can encourage boldness, provide support, and empower your mentee to take risks and pursue their goals with confidence.
By implementing these techniques, you’ll have added powerful tools to your toolbelt that will help you face life’s many challenges. These are methods that can foster both personal and professional growth. Don’t be afraid to take risks and put yourself out there. We’re all human and full of imperfections. Embrace it and run with it.
Final summary
Cultivating confidence starts by introducing yourself to others in a warm, welcoming, and inclusive way. Body language is critical in these situations, as is recognizing that all people can be awkward from time to time.
Confidence is nurtured by recognizing and building up a resistance to people-pleasing. Learning to say no and to not over-explain yourself will go a long way.
For over-thinking, techniques like box breathing; progressive muscle relaxation; and free-writing can work wonders. These can also help in navigating toxic workplaces and dealing with difficult coworkers. To do your bit in fostering a healthy work environment, avoid engaging in gossip and excessive complaining. Instead, promote a workplace that embraces failures as learning opportunities.
Lastly, confidence comes from setting clear goals with small, manageable steps, and keeping the promises you make to yourself.