What’s in it for me? Learn how to make better decisions!
Have you ever thought about how people come to certain decisions?
It might seem like a matter of considering the pros and cons.
In reality, there’s a lot more going on.
The way people view situations and what they choose to do is often the result of fear, overwhelming emotions, or a negative mindset.
These blinks highlight the forces behind your decisions and provide tools for adopting a positive mindset that leads to better decision-making.
In these blinks, you’ll learn what differentiates opportunities from obstacles; why being strong and sturdy can damage an oak tree; and how to stop emotions from taking over.
Deciding to see opportunities can change your life.
What’s something that we all do, without fail, every single day?
We make decisions.
About 35,000 of them, in fact.
Most of these decisions are instinctive; we’re not even aware of making them.
We reach for the coffee every morning instead of making a cup of tea, or we tune into a preferred news channel.
These decisions don’t impact us in major ways, but there’s one conscious decision that can bring positive change to our lives.
Whether it’s a dream career, a healthier lifestyle, or more fulfilling relationships, a better life isn’t something that just happens.
It’s the result of many intentional decisions.
And the first and most important of these is choosing to see opportunities rather than obstacles.
The key message here is: Deciding to see opportunities can change your life.
There are opportunities in any situation, no matter how bad it may seem.
When you focus on them, you become optimistic and solutions-oriented.
You can then take actions that allow you to grow, learn new things, and steer your life in positive directions.
When you focus on obstacles, on the other hand, your problems seem unsolvable.
You feel stuck and sorry for yourself.
You might even blame others or make excuses for your circumstances.
A great example is a retiree who finds himself struggling financially.
Looking at the obstacles, he might be disappointed at the thought of going back to work.
He could worry that his skills are no longer relevant.
But what if he decides to look for the opportunities instead?
He could see this as a chance to learn something new.
He could reach out to his network to ask if they know of any vacancies.
One option keeps him stuck; the other moves him forward.
So what does it take to switch from an obstacle mindset to one primed for opportunities?
The key is understanding the thinking patterns that shape how we view the world.
They determine whether we perceive opportunities or obstacles.
The author sees these patterns as positive and negative forces.
Allowing the negative forces to take over makes us pessimistic and blinds us to opportunities.
And tapping into the positive forces reveals opportunities to us.
In the following blinks, we’ll learn more about each of these forces.
Fortune-telling blinds us to opportunities.
Here’s a scenario: Keia has been working at a company for about a year.
She feels it’s time for a raise.
But as she considers bringing it up with her manager, Keia starts telling herself that she’ll get rejected.
She imagines that her manager will say she hasn’t earned it, or that the company can’t afford it.
Soon, she talks herself out of even broaching the subject.
Now, Keia probably wouldn’t call herself a fortune-teller.
But in this scenario, she’s behaving like one.
And she’s not alone.
We often convince ourselves that we know what’s going to happen.
And then we make decisions based on those predictions.
But more often than not, those predictions are baseless.
The key message here is: Fortune-telling blinds us to opportunities.
When we fall prey to fortune-telling, we’re predicting the future without any facts to back it up.
This negative pattern steals opportunities from us; we convince ourselves that the odds are against us, so we don’t even bother trying.
Think of a man who decides not to approach a potential date, because he assumes that they’d never go out with him.
Or a student who believes she’s going to fail a test and opts not to study at all.
In most cases, fortune-telling is an act of fear.
We’re afraid of disappointment or of having difficult conversations.
Fortune-telling is a way of avoiding these things.
To escape the trap of fortune-telling, we need to engage its positive counterpart: fact-finding.
When you gather the facts of a situation, you can make educated decisions that are based on reality, not on a worst-case scenario you’ve predicted.
Take the employee who wants a raise.
What if, instead of assuming that she won’t get a raise, she focused on all the reasons that she deserves one?
Armed with these points, she can then decide to make her case.
So when you find yourself fortune-telling in your own life, go on a fact-finding mission.
You can do this by considering logical evidence and speaking to people instead of guessing what they’ll think or do.
This approach lets you make educated decisions that are in your best interests.
To stop overgeneralizing, practice objective thinking.
Have you ever found yourself jumping to a conclusion after one small incident?
Maybe you made a mistake after a few days in a new role and then convinced yourself that you weren’t cut out for the job.
Or maybe a harsh review led you to believe that a colleague didn’t like you.
In both these instances, there’s a negative force at play.
It’s called overgeneralizing.
When you overgeneralize, you allow single events, experiences, or even preconceived ideas to shape how you view yourself and the world around you.
Needless to say, this greatly limits your ability to see opportunities.
The key message here is: To stop overgeneralizing, practice objective thinking.
Here’s one harmful overgeneralization.
You might decide that all diets are ineffective.
But in fact, many people have become healthier by following diets.
Or someone might convince themselves that straight men are only attracted to younger women, when this isn’t true for all men.
Overgeneralizing can sometimes feel like second nature.
This is because your brain is wired to create shortcuts to help you make quick decisions.
So, when your mind is making judgments, it jumps to recent examples or general ideas.
The remedy for overgeneralizing is zooming out from single events or stereotypes.
In other words, you have to be objective.
That means you shouldn’t make a decision based on one incident.
Rather, take all the available information into account.
And instead of relying on stereotypes or assumptions, make an effort to learn about people before you judge them.
When you do this, you’ll develop new ideas and perspectives, creating a gateway to new opportunities.
To harness the power of objectivity, try this exercise.
Think of a problem you’re currently facing in an area of your life.
Perhaps you’re nervous about dating again after a series of bad relationships.
Now, consider how you might be overgeneralizing about the issue in question.
For example, you might think that you’re simply not great at choosing partners.
Ask yourself what a more objective approach could be, and list any opportunities that come to light in the process.
Maybe you realize that each relationship has been better than the last – a clear sign that you’re getting better at choosing partners.
With this in mind, you can use objective thinking to learn from your past relationships and partners.
And you can use that information to guide your dating journey.
A rigid mindset hurts us, while a relaxed one makes us adaptable.
Picture a large oak tree in the middle of an open field.
Its trunk is strong and solid, and it’s been standing for many decades.
Just a few feet away from the oak tree, there’s a tall, thin palm tree.
Unlike the oak, the palm’s trunk is flexible.
Now, let’s say that an incredibly powerful wind blows through the field for several hours.
Slowly but surely, the oak, with its rigid trunk, is uprooted.
But the thin palm tree is still upright when the wind stops.
Having a relaxed trunk allows the palm tree to bend in whichever direction the wind blows.
That helps it survive.
There’s a lesson here that we can apply to our mindset.
The key message here is: A rigid mindset hurts us, while a relaxed one makes us adaptable.
At some point, we’ve likely come across someone with a rigid mindset.
Maybe it’s a friend who’s always done things in a certain way and believes that’s the only acceptable way to operate.
Or maybe it’s a colleague who thinks they know best and won’t even listen to what others think.
Rigidity is a negative force.
It makes it difficult for us to change course or consider alternative methods.
And it doesn’t just cause stress and frustration.
It also makes us miss out on opportunities that can lead to growth or success.
To counter rigidity, we need the positive force of relaxation.
When we adopt a relaxed mindset, we approach things calmly, we make room for the perspectives of others, and we accept that we can’t control life.
This allows us to go with the flow of new ideas, methods, and – of course – opportunities.
There are a number of ways to achieve a more relaxed state.
Say you are thinking about your problems or a decision you need to make.
It’s a good idea to note any associated beliefs or approaches that you might be rigidly holding on to.
Now consider how these ideas are holding you back.
Think about what you can do to embrace new possibilities.
This could include speaking to people in your life who have relaxed mindsets or who look at things differently.
Yoga, meditation, and mantras are also great ways to feel more relaxed.
And when you relax, you become less rigid.
You can overcome confusion by finding purpose.
Let’s face it, making important decisions can be incredibly difficult.
So much so that we sometimes go round in circles.
We weigh the pros and cons repeatedly, imagining every possible outcome.
We ask everyone for their opinion.
Eventually, we settle on a decision.
Or at least we think we do.
All it takes is a tiny, nagging thought or a comment about something we haven’t considered, and we’re back at square one.
Indecision like this can be very frustrating.
This negative force is confusion.
It doesn’t just overwhelm us.
It holds us back.
The key message here is: You can overcome confusion by finding purpose.
When confusion hits, it leads to overanalyzing – we keep processing and researching without coming to a final decision.
Unsurprisingly, this force makes us feel stressed and helpless.
But why, exactly, do we get confused?
The answer is an unclear purpose.
When we don’t know our purpose, it’s easy to fall into a state of confusion.
The author shares an example of a client who felt he wasn’t in the right job.
But he wasn’t sure if quitting was a good idea, or what he would do afterward.
He bounced back and forth between different thoughts.
When it came down to it, the client had never identified his purpose.
If he’d known what it was, his path would have been very clear.
So, to stop the negative cycle of confusion, you need to tap into your purpose.
This doesn’t always have to be a grand life purpose.
Sometimes it’s simply what you’d like to achieve in that particular situation.
Then consider each potential choice.
How does it align with your purpose?
One of the author’s clients used this approach to break out of her confusion.
She’d been thinking about homeschooling her son.
After weeks of research and multiple conversations, she was struggling to decide.
But then she remembered her purpose: she wanted to ensure that her son developed a love of learning.
She quickly realized that the right decision was the one that best supported this purpose.
Base your decisions on evidence rather than emotions.
When was the last time you felt blinded by anger or like you were bursting with joy?
How about crippled by anxiety?
Emotions are completely natural.
Your emotions protect you, provide motivation, and help you form relationships.
But they can also be overwhelming.
They can drive you to make decisions based on what you feel, instead of what’s actually happening.
And in most cases, such decisions aren’t in your best interests.
If you’ve ever experienced this, then you’ve succumbed to emotional reasoning.
The key message here is: Base your decisions on evidence rather than emotions.
You might have heard people say, “Feelings aren’t facts.
” Well, add the idea that feelings are also temporary, and the dangers of emotional reasoning become clear.
When you use emotional reasoning, you allow temporary feelings to determine your actions and decisions.
As a result, you can deprive yourself of opportunities.
Just take the example of Nathan.
He’s an employee who doesn’t speak in meetings because it feels uncomfortable.
So he misses out on sharing his ideas and getting helpful feedback.
If you want to overcome emotional reasoning and make better decisions, you need to turn your attention to the evidence.
Evidence-based reasoning is the positive force that helps you take back power from your feelings.
It involves considering factual information before making a decision.
It’s not very different from what a detective does to identify a suspect – she gathers all the available evidence.
The author used this approach to tackle his resistance to speaking publicly.
See, because public speaking felt uncomfortable, he’d concluded that it wasn’t for him.
Because of that, he turned down many great opportunities.
But then he spent some time thinking about it.
He realized that he’d spoken in front of people at meetings and presentations many times, with great results.
With this evidence in mind, he started accepting public-speaking invitations.
Soon, he was reaching audiences of thousands of people.
To bring evidence-based reasoning into your own life, think of a project that you’d like to work on.
Then, note the emotions that you associate with that project.
This could be fear or stress, for example.
Now, write down the evidence that supports those feelings, but also any evidence that doesn’t.
Finally, think of the best decision you can make based on the evidence in front of you.
Put together a team to guide and support you in your decisions.
If you’re a fan of award shows, then you’ve likely noticed something they all have in common.
The awards might celebrate music, movies, or TV shows, but whatever the category, winners always get up on stage and acknowledge the people who supported them.
Sure, the winners sang hit songs alone.
Or they acted in front of the cameras solo.
But no matter how talented they are, they couldn’t have succeeded without the help of others.
And this is true for every person, whether they’re building an acting career or simply navigating important life decisions.
The key message here is: Put together a team to guide and support you in your decisions.
When you’re trying to seize opportunities and make the right decisions, it’s not enough to understand the negative and positive forces involved.
You also need a decision-making team.
This is a group of people who can offer good advice, help you take the necessary steps, and provide emotional support.
Now, the all-important question: Who should you put on your decision-making team?
Well, the number one rule is to choose those who know you inside and out and are experts in the relevant area.
For instance, a good friend with a successful business is well-placed to give you business advice.
Using these criteria, you’re sure to get the advice and support that’s most helpful and relevant to your goals.
It’s also crucial to have different people for different roles.
For example, someone who’s great at listening and asks insightful questions, or a person who always knows how to motivate you.
Think about the various roles you want to include on your team, and write down the names of people you trust to fill these roles.
Then, the next time you find yourself grappling with a negative force, or feeling indecisive, reach out to a member of your decision-team.
So let’s say you’ve created your support system, consulted them, and followed through on your decision.
There’s still one last step you need to take.
You need to let things take their course.
You see, you can’t control what happens once you’ve made a decision and taken action.
But if you’re driven by positive forces and an opportunity mindset, then you can rest assured that you’ve made the best possible decision for yourself.
The rest is up to the universe.
Final summary
The key message in these blinks: Better decisions start with finding the opportunity that exists in every obstacle.
You may often struggle to see opportunities because you focus on imagined disappointments and misleading generalizations.
Or you allow confusion, rigidity, or emotions to take hold.
But if you consider facts over fears, embrace new ideas, and let purpose guide you, you can confidently make decisions that will lead you in the right direction.
And it’s easier if you have people to help you.
Actionable advice: Connect with your spirituality.
Aligning with your spiritual side gives you more clarity around decision-making.
It also helps you feel at peace with the outcomes.
For this reason, it’s a great idea to engage with your spirituality, whether it’s rooted in a faith, meditation, or a relationship with your body or with nature.
Think of spiritual activities or rituals that resonate with you and make a point of practicing them regularly.
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