What’s in it for me? Discover your own existential kink.
Have you ever wondered why we tend to personalize our emotional and physical pain?
It’s as if we willingly create a cycle of inescapable suffering.
But what if we could find a way to break free from this cycle and experience our pain in a more empowering and transformative way?
In this Blink to Carolyn Elliott’s Existential Kink, we’ll look at our relationship with pain – and learn how understanding it can provide us with the tools to lead a more fulfilling life.
We'll also cover the concept of existential kink and explore how embracing our darkest desires can help us unlock our full potential.
By recognizing and integrating your shadow aspects, you can begin dissolving negative patterns in your life and cultivate a deeper connection with yourself and the world around you.
A note before we begin: this Blink discusses addiction, depression, and abuse, so please take care while listening.
Embrace your inner weird
Ever felt like there's something inherently wrong with you?
And have you ever tried to cover up that feeling with accomplishments, approval from others, or substances like drugs or alcohol?
If so, you’re not alone.
This feeling of not being OK can be triggered by anything – a bad day at work, a snarky comment from a friend, or even hearing about someone else's success.
But what if you could transform that feeling of “wrongness” into raw, hot, glorious power?
In the author’s journey through life, she’s found that her existential kink – her strange attraction to pain, bondage, and limitation – was actually the key to unlocking her full potential.
For instance, during her recovery from heroin addiction in her twenties, she realized there was a part of her that was secretly turned on by the destructive aspects of her life.
She was in an abusive relationship, and while she thought she hated it, deep down, she actually loved the feeling of importance it gave her.
Through this realization, she began to understand that she could change her life by embracing the parts of herself she had previously hidden and shamed.
The more she got in touch with these darker aspects, and made them work for her, the more her life began to transform for the better.
Today, she has a loving husband, a successful business, a supportive community, and a deeper connection to herself and the world around her.
So how can you use this knowledge to change your own life?
Well first, recognize that your shadow – those hidden and shamed parts of yourself – is holding you back from true happiness and success.
By bringing your shadow into the light, you can dissolve old negative patterns and open yourself up to receiving more beauty and bounty in your life.
This process is called existential kink, and it's a powerful way to come to terms with your unconscious desires and beliefs.
When you integrate your shadow into your everyday self, you become more capable of exerting positive influence in your life and your environment.
But how do you actually do this?
Well, you can start by paying attention to the stories and experiences of others who have done this work.
Don’t lean away from similarities or patterns in your own life here.
Be open to exploring the strange corridors of your psyche and learning to dance with your shadow.
Remember that you have the power to change your life, no matter how dark or twisted things might seem.
Give yourself permission to embrace all the scary stuff, and watch as your world transforms.
The seven axioms of existential kink
Ever wonder why you keep attracting similar experiences?
Well, it probably comes down to your unconscious desires.
The real question you should be asking yourself is, How do I use these unconscious desires to steer my life in the direction I want it to go?
Enter the seven axioms of existential kink.
These are seven key principles that can help you unlock your hidden desires and take control of your life.
You'll be amazed at how a few simple shifts in perspective can lead to some seriously positive changes.
The first axiom is that having is evidence of wanting.
This idea suggests that our hardships are shaped by our unconscious desires, even if we don't consciously want them.
The trick is to bring those unconscious desires to the surface and give them approval, so they stop messing with us.
It's not about blaming or shaming ourselves; it’s about digging deep to find those hidden desires, and taking control of them.
For instance, if you keep attracting the same kind of not-so-great partners, it might be because of some unconscious desire playing out.
Recognizing this can help you change the pattern and empower yourself.
The second axiom explains that we actually have the power to decide how we perceive sensations in our lives.
Take brussels sprouts, for example – some people love them, while others can't stand them.
Even childbirth, a notoriously painful experience, can be experienced as pleasure by some women – just google “Orgasmic Birth movement.
” This highlights the idea that you have a choice in how you perceive things.
By exercising this choice, you can release feelings of helplessness and take control of your experiences.
Now let’s look at axiom number three, which is to get off on every “stroke.
” This concept is about finding pleasure in all kinds of experiences, even those we typically see as painful or negative.
It's about expanding our range of what we find enjoyable and learning to be more open to the various strokes life throws our way.
Consider the BDSM world, where people choose to engage in painful experiences for pleasure.
By applying this mindset to your life, you can transform your perspective and find playfulness and fun in situations you might normally reject.
Axiom number four is that how much we enjoy our lives is directly related to how much we approve of them.
The more we allow ourselves to be “turned on” by our experiences, the less resistance we offer to the positive creative flow.
For example, instead of judging yourself for feeling sad, you can embrace it and find beauty in the experience.
It's about taking an artistic, imaginative approach to life and emotions rather than a serious, moralizing one.
Axiom number five explains that our desires evolve through fulfillment – not denial and repression.
We all have some deep, dark desires we might find taboo, like wanting to feel wronged or like we’re not good enough.
But instead of denying them, we need to celebrate their fulfillment to let them evolve and change.
So, when you catch yourself indulging in those “not good enough” feelings, celebrate them.
You might eventually find that your desire is shifting into a desire to feel “good enough.
” Number six shows that shame is a total magic-killer.
If you feel shame about something, you're actually suppressing your own magic and creating bad luck.
So, give yourself permission to be shameless, and watch your life change for the better.
Last but not least, axiom number seven involves recognizing our truths.
When we encounter deep emotional and relational truths, they tend to be super sensational.
That's why when you say “I love you” for the first time, your heart races, and you feel all warm and fuzzy.
In the existential kink practice, our bodies can react strongly when we recognize these truths.
For instance, when meditating, you might admit to yourself that you secretly enjoy that nasty custody battle with your ex.
And when you do, you might feel an electric jolt in your body – that's a sign that there's truth in your statement.
As you practice this meditation, you'll experience a range of sensations and emotions, which is totally normal.
The big picture behind these seven axioms?
Embracing and celebrating your dark desires will actually let them evolve.
It’s also important to ditch the shame, and pay attention to the sensations that come with recognizing deep truths.
This will help you open up the channels of communication between your conscious and unconscious mind, and create positive change in your life.
The hidden power of beating yourself up
Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty or bad about something you did or didn't do?
Beating ourselves up is often an unconscious choice we make, and it's a strategy we developed as children to get the approval of the people around us.
However, as we grow up, we continue to use this strategy even though it's no longer serving us.
Well, it turns out there’s a method to the madness of beating yourself up, but in a fun way!
We all have some “operating instructions” that we follow to make ourselves feel guilty or ashamed.
Instead of hiding them, embrace them and celebrate them.
This can help you free up psychic energy and make room for new values to live by.
Let’s say you have an operating instruction that says you must guilt-trip yourself for at least three hours if you offend or disappoint anyone for any reason.
Or you might have a rule that feeling supported and safe is utterly forbidden, no matter what.
These rules might seem extreme or even ridiculous when you spell them out, but they have a hold on you because they're operating at an unconscious level.
The secret is to treat your list of operating instructions like “reverse psychology affirmations.
” Read these affirmations in front of the mirror in the morning with great enthusiasm, or with a Disney villain cackle, every day for the next week – and see what happens.
The point is not to bring yourself down.
It’s to notice what inner sadistic prohibitions are already operating in you at a previously unconscious level, and to make those prohibitions explicit and conscious.
When you fully consent to these rules and stop resisting them, they lose their hold over you.
You can then use the energy that was previously bound up in your rules to invest in a new specific project.
So grab your journal, and write out your own operating instructions.
Don't judge them – just let them flow out onto the page.
Then, try treating them like reverse psychology affirmations.
You might be surprised at the insights you gain about yourself, and the energy you free up, by fully embracing your inner villain.
Kinking out with meditation
Now that you’ve identified your own operating instructions and know the seven axioms, let’s put them to use through the practice of existential kink meditation.
It's all about embracing and enjoying the uncomfortable parts of life that you might usually avoid.
But first, a word of caution: if you're currently struggling with depression, this might not be the best practice for you.
Also, make sure you've already grieved any challenging situations before diving in.
If you’re ready, the first step is to get yourself into a relaxed state.
Maybe take a hot bath, do some yoga, or just take a few deep breaths.
It's essential to feel comfortable and relaxed so you can tap into your body's sensations.
Next, create a container for yourself by lighting a candle, burning some incense, and setting a timer for 15 minutes.
This helps set boundaries and creates a safe space for you to explore your feelings.
Once you're all set up, identify a situation in your life that you don't like.
Make sure it's something you've already grieved, and that it’s a recurring issue.
Then, pinpoint the feelings and emotions that come up around this situation.
Now comes the fun part!
Gently allow yourself to get in touch with the aspect of you that secretly enjoys the feelings and emotions associated with your “don't like” situation.
It might be tough at first, but play around with different statements to help you embrace this hidden enjoyment.
If you manage to tap into that enjoyment, great!
That's the goal.
But if not, don't worry – sometimes it takes time for these unconscious desires to reveal themselves.
The final step is to fully accept your shadow and consciously enjoy the situation your unconscious mind has created.
By giving yourself permission to enjoy these feelings, you create space for your conscious and unconscious minds to come together and give birth to new, positive experiences in your life.
Remember, the key to existential kink meditation is embracing and enjoying the uncomfortable parts of life.
So get playful with your pain, and watch as your life transforms.
Final Summary
Embracing your existential kink can actually help unlock your full potential.
It's all about diving deep into your hidden desires and learning to love the darker aspects of yourself.
There are seven axioms that can help you tap into this power.
They involve recognizing how your desires shape your experiences, choosing how you perceive sensations, finding pleasure in all sorts of experiences, approving of your life, evolving your desires through fulfillment, ditching shame, and embracing deep truths.
To put this into practice, play with pain and get in touch with the part of you that secretly enjoys it.
And if you’re feeling guilty about something, try writing down your “operating instructions” and treating them like “reverse psychology affirmations.
” It’s time to confront your pain – and turn it into something productive.