What’s in it for me? Learn how to handle accountability problems effectively!
Do you have a colleague who’s always missing deadlines?
Or a partner who seems to ignore simple requests, like taking shorter showers to lower the water bill?
Well, you’re not alone.
Day in and day out, people around the world are disappointed by others who fail to keep promises or meet expectations.
When this happens, you’re presented with a choice; speak up and hold the person accountable or suffer in disappointed silence.
Unfortunately, most people opt for the latter simply because they don’t know what to do, or they’re scared of creating a bigger problem.
But fortunately, these blinks provide the tools to help the silent majority tackle their accountability issues without breaking a sweat or relationships.
Choose the issue you care about most, and consider whether it should be addressed.
In these blinks, you’ll learn how to tell if you should speak up; the fundamental mistake we all make; and when coping is the best choice.
Consider this scenario: you’ve asked your boss for a well-deserved raise several times.
Each time he’s promised to make it happen and each time he’s gone back on his word.
Understandably, you’re frustrated.
And this feeling intensifies when he singles you out in a meeting to ask that you stop nagging about the raise.
When you privately approach him about this public berating, he scoffs that you’re wasting his time and walks off.
Not only has your boss repeatedly broken a commitment, but he’s also disrespected you in front of colleagues and dismissed your valid concerns.
You strongly feel that he should be held accountable for his behavior, but where do you start?
The key message here is: Choose the issue you care about most, and consider whether it should be addressed.
Like many things, accountability issues are rarely simple and straightforward.
They tend to come in complicated bundles.
Before holding an accountability discussion, it’s important to identify the various problems and decide which is most important to you.
To do this, think CPR – Content, Pattern, and Relationship.
Here’s an example: the first time a teenager comes home late, the content of breaking curfew is a problem.
If she promises to stick to the rules but doesn’t, there’s an additional issue – a pattern of rule-breaking.
Let’s say father and daughter discuss the pattern, and there’s a renewed commitment to the rule.
But days later, she breaks curfew again.
At this point, her father can’t trust her, which means the negative effect on their relationship is yet another problem.
In addition to considering the content, pattern, and relationship, we need to think of consequences and intentions.
So, in our father-daughter scenario, the father could be upset about the potential consequences of staying out after curfew, which can be dangerous for a teenager.
Alternatively, he might be frustrated by what he assumes are his daughter’s intentions – that she could be breaking the rules just to aggravate him.
After listing all the associated problems and pinpointing what matters most, you’re ready to schedule a chat, right?
Well, not quite.
You need to decide if the issue actually warrants a conversation.
There are many clues that your accountability issue should be addressed.
If you feel hostile towards the other person, you should definitely bring the issue up.
Ditto if your conscience is nagging you.
But what if you’re avoiding the conversation because you feel helpless, or fear making things worse?
This too is an indication that you should speak up – and the following blinks will explain exactly how.
Create the right climate for an accountability discussion by avoiding assumptions.
Imagine that a man wants to discuss a promise that his girlfriend has broken.
However, the discussion heads downhill within seconds.
Before he even speaks, he’s fuming.
And when his words finally come, they’re explosive.
As far as he’s concerned, she’s a terrible partner who had no intention of keeping the promise.
From his girlfriend’s perspective, she has a good reason for letting him down, but his hostile approach triggers an equally hostile response.
The two quickly start a shouting match.
This is a perfect example of what happens when people don’t establish a suitable climate for discussing accountability.
In short, the conversation is doomed to fail.
The key message here is: Create the right climate for an accountability discussion by avoiding assumptions.
The key to setting the right climate for accountability discussions is the story we tell ourselves beforehand.
And, unfortunately, we’re inclined to tell unflattering stories about other people, thanks to what psychologists call fundamental attribution error.
This is the tendency to assume that others do bad things because they’re flawed.
Think of a woman stealing medicine.
We immediately assume that someone caught stealing is dishonest.
But what if we consider other potential motivating forces?
Maybe she has a dying child who needs expensive medicine that she can’t afford.
Our feelings about her actions change, don’t they?
Well, we also assume negative stories about people when they don’t fulfill a commitment.
These stories fuel our thoughts and feelings, which leads to a tense, unproductive climate for conversations.
So, to ensure that accountability conversations start off well, we should steer clear of negative stories.
This means resisting the urge to conclude that people are simply awful.
It also means making a point to acknowledge that other factors may have influenced their behavior.
For example, someone may not have the personal motivation or skills to do something.
Think of a customer service agent avoiding calls because he doesn’t know how to deal with angry customers.
Or there could be social forces involved; an employee might skip an important part of a process because she’s being pressured to complete a task, for example.
Physical and organizational structures can also influence people.
A great example is a child who’s always late because he doesn’t have a watch.
By considering that various personal, social, or structural factors may lead to an accountability issue, we avoid creating negative stories.
This, in turn, helps us approach the conversation not with assumptions but with the curiosity needed to uncover the reasons behind people’s actions.
Make others feel safe by showing respect and establishing a shared purpose.
Think about this for a moment: a friend wants to discuss something important that you let slip.
What feelings come up for you?
Chances are you feel anxious.
Maybe you feel bad that you disappointed a good friend.
You might even wonder if you’ve jeopardized the relationship.
Basically, you feel unsafe.
The same goes for anyone who’s confronted about an infraction.
When people don’t feel safe, they either become silent or defensive, which leads to an unproductive conversation.
With that in mind, it’s on you, the person bringing up the problem, to create a safe climate for the discussion.
The key message here is: Make others feel safe by showing respect and establishing a shared purpose.
There are two main things that contribute to feelings of unsafety during an accountability conversation.
The first is a lack of respect, which comes across in tone, delivery, and even body language.
The second is a disregard for the other person’s goals and interests.
Both of these must be addressed for people to feel safe.
First, let’s tackle respect.
This starts with how you view others.
If you think of them as reasonable, decent people, you’re likely to approach them as such.
Asking for permission to discuss an issue also shows respect, especially when handling sensitive topics or speaking to those with more authority.
Additionally, you can use a tactic called contrasting.
This means anticipating any wrong conclusions that might surface, reassuring people that this isn’t what you mean, and clarifying your actual intentions.
So, in addressing an issue with someone’s work, you might state that you don’t want them to think you’re unhappy with their overall job performance, but you want to address one thing specifically.
Establishing a shared purpose works in a similar way.
It’s important to immediately let the other person know that the goal of the discussion is to improve things for both parties.
So, a manager might say, “I just want to find a reporting process that works for both of us.
” Once you’ve established mutual goals and respect, you can describe the infraction.
To do this successfully, lead with facts, not accusations or conclusions.
Explain the gap between what you expected and what actually happened.
Then add your conclusions, using tentative phrases like, “I thought” and “I was wondering.
” Such language signals that your conclusions could be wrong and you’re interested in the other person’s take.
And to ensure that you hear the other side, end with a question.
Asking something like “What happened?
” creates a dialogue that helps you solve the problem together.
To motivate a change in behavior, explain the natural consequences.
Have you ever asked yourself, “Why would anyone do something like that?
” Well, you’re about to learn the answer.
Perhaps the question crosses your mind after another driver carelessly overtakes you on the highway.
Or when a colleague disregards an important rule at work.
But whether they’re speeding drivers or rogue co-workers, everyone’s behavior is motivated by the same thing – consequences.
When considering what to do, people look at the possible outcomes – good and bad.
Then, they choose the action they believe will yield the best result.
What does this have to do with accountability?
Well, when discussing an accountability issue, pointing out consequences can motivate people to do better in the future.
The key message here is: To motivate a change in behavior, explain the natural consequences.
Many people hear the word “consequences” and imagine things like detention or getting fired.
But using consequences to motivate doesn’t have to mean resorting to threats of punishment.
All actions and behaviors have their own natural consequences.
For instance, a man who constantly makes sarcastic digs at his wife will eventually push her away.
By drawing attention to the natural consequences of someone’s actions, you can nudge them to do the right thing.
During your accountability discussion, highlight the natural consequences that the other person may not be aware of.
These include long-term benefits that are worth the short-term effort, outcomes that align with the person’s values, or future problems connected to their current behavior.
You can also describe how other people are negatively affected by their actions.
While explaining all this, allow the other party to share their views.
They may enlighten you with consequences you didn’t think of, which could change your opinion.
But what if discussing natural consequences doesn’t lead to a change in the person’s behavior?
In this case, create a workaround for the problem and explain it clearly.
Sharing your coping strategy makes the other person aware of the cause and effect associated with their behavior.
This immediate consequence can motivate a change.
Take this example.
If an employee keeps missing deadlines, his frustrated manager will find him unreliable.
This will cause the manager to take him off all key projects.
The employee won’t like hearing this, but he now has the chance to change his behavior and start delivering work on time.
If he becomes more reliable, he’s able to keep doing exciting and important work.
If not, well, then he’s been held accountable for his actions.
Help someone be more accountable by working together to remove barriers.
Let’s say Michael, a dedicated executive assistant, is tasked with putting together a crucial monthly report for his manager.
This report is important for updating the higher-ups, so delivering it on time is essential.
Michael welcomes this responsibility and eagerly works on the report each month.
But there’s a problem.
To complete the task, he needs input from his colleague Anika, who rarely provides the information on time.
As a result, he often delivers the report late.
Eventually, his manager confronts him about this pattern.
And she realizes that Michael is motivated to meet the deadline, but despite his best efforts, he’s just not able to.
What next?
The key message here is: Help someone be more accountable by working together to remove barriers.
Sometimes, accountability discussions reveal that there are barriers stopping people from meeting expectations.
When this happens, turn your attention to removing those barriers so they can get their job done.
But you don’t have to tackle this alone.
In fact, involving others is an important step, one that helps you understand obstacles from the perspective of those closest to them.
And when people contribute to finding solutions, they’re more committed to implementing them.
The focus here is on empowering others and hearing their ideas about solutions, so don’t rush to tell them what you think first.
Otherwise, you risk biasing their response – they may feel like they have to agree with you, or it may stop them from troubleshooting for themselves.
A better approach?
Ask for their ideas, and add your own thoughts only if necessary.
Now, people aren’t always aware of what’s standing in their way and may need some help uncovering it.
In this situation, explore the potential barriers together.
Keeping the tone upbeat and the climate safe encourages the other party to talk openly about the task.
Ask if they feel that they have the required skills, as well as the right support people or structures in place.
Also, ask if there’s anything you can do to help them fulfill their commitments.
You might discover, for instance, that someone else isn’t doing their part, or that the planned process is very complicated.
Discuss every barrier you can think of and agree on solutions together.
Your goal is to make sure that any obstacles affecting one’s ability are removed once and for all, while empowering them to meet future expectations.
Stay flexible enough to handle unexpected challenges.
Wouldn’t it be great if everything went according to plan?
Unfortunately, that’s not how the world works, including accountability conversations.
Sure, you can go in ready to motivate and problem-solve, knowing exactly what you want to discuss.
Then, out of the blue, something unanticipated pops up – an even bigger problem, maybe, or an explosive reaction from the other person.
We know that climate is important for a productive discussion, but how should we handle an unexpected climate change?
By being flexible!
Re-establish a safe climate by shifting the focus onto more critical issues or unpacking strong emotions right away.
The key message here is: Stay flexible enough to handle unexpected challenges.
So how do you handle more critical issues that need to be dealt with immediately?
Start by explaining that you’re changing the topic and you’ll return to the original issue later.
Think of it as putting a bookmark in the conversation.
For instance, let’s say that a father discusses his daughter’s failure to practice the piano, as agreed, and catches her in a lie.
Lying is a lot more serious than skipping practice, so, the father switches topics by saying, “We’ll get back to your practice later.
I’d like to talk about the fact that you just lied to me.
” After announcing the change, handle the new problem in the same way that you were going to address the original one.
Establish safety, explain the natural consequences, and explore potential barriers and solutions.
You can then dive back into the original problem, or return to it another time.
Now, if intense emotions crop up, uncover what’s causing them in the moment.
This will help you both deal with them effectively so that the conversation can continue.
Ask what the other person is feeling and why.
They might say they’re fine, but their body language and attitude suggest otherwise.
Point out this inconsistency and encourage them to open up.
When they share the reasons behind their emotions, repeat what they’ve said in your own words.
By paraphrasing, you make it clear that you’re listening while creating a chance to clarify anything you’ve misunderstood.
If someone is really struggling to talk, take a sensitive guess at what they’re thinking and reassure them that it’s alright to talk about it.
You can say something like, “Are you frustrated because I overmanage you?
We can discuss this.
I won’t get angry.
” It can sometimes take a bit of effort on your part, but ultimately, knowing the root of an emotional outburst makes it easier to address.
End accountability discussions by agreeing on a detailed plan of action.
Remember Michael, the hard-working executive assistant we met earlier?
He was struggling to meet deadlines because his colleague, Anika, wasn’t sending the necessary information on time.
Well, determined to get to the bottom of the issue, his manager has a conversation with both Michael and Anika.
She speaks to them respectfully, uncovers the different problems, and stresses the importance of delivering the report on time.
Satisfied that the issue has been addressed, she ends the conversation with high hopes of receiving the next report before the deadline.
A few weeks later, the report is late yet again.
But this isn’t really surprising.
Michael’s boss didn’t do the one thing needed to prevent accountability issues from popping up again.
The key message here is: End accountability discussions by agreeing on a detailed plan of action.
If we don’t end accountability conversations by establishing and committing to a plan, the resolution is open to everyone’s different interpretations.
And so the same problem is likely to occur again and again.
Here’s how to create an effective plan: focus on the who, what, and when.
This means identifying who will do what task by when.
But each task and responsibility must be clearly defined with measurable expectations.
So, instead of asking someone to be more creative, ask to hear three new ideas every week.
Similarly, the when of the plan needs to be as specific as possible.
It’s not enough to say that a task is due next week.
Instead, the deadline should be a specific date and time.
Any questions about deadlines or task details should be raised and addressed during the conversation to avoid confusion.
When everything is clear, we can move on to the next part of the plan – deciding how and when to follow up.
When choosing a follow-up method, we need to consider the importance of the task along with the skills and trustworthiness of the responsible parties.
If high-priority tasks are given to someone with little experience or a reputation for missing deadlines, follow-up sessions should be scheduled soon and often.
But if the person is skilled and known for being reliable, then we don’t have to follow up as often.
In both cases, the follow-up method and a clear reason behind it should be agreed on by everyone.
Finally, once all the details of the plan have been hashed out, all the people involved need to commit to it; otherwise, they can’t be held accountable for it.
If problems come up again, it’s time for a new accountability discussion.
Final summary
The way people respond to being held accountable has a lot to do with how we approach them.
The key is to acknowledge the wide range of factors that could have led to a broken promise or commitment so we avoid vilifying others.
When we do this, we go into conversations with respect, curiosity, and a shared purpose.
This sets the stage for identifying the reasons behind unmet expectations, finding solutions, and creating plans to prevent similar problems in the future.
Actionable advice: Encourage people to keep you posted.
Sometimes, people let us down because an urgent request may come up, making it difficult to follow through on their commitment.
And when we hear this, it can be difficult to continue with the accountability conversation.
After all, we live in a world where priorities can change in an instant.
But even in the face of emergencies and shifting priorities, it is still possible to maintain trust and accountability.
Simply ask people to let you know as soon as circumstances change so you can pivot expectations as needed.